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Of all the questions I'm asked, the one subject that gets more attention than anything else is whether or not a man will ever come around and commit. I remember having this exact feeling; I was just so sure that if I gave up waiting, if I let go of holding on and hanging around waiting for him to finally see the light, it would be at that exact time that he would be ready and I would miss out on everything I'd been waiting for! If he were to come around and suddenly be ready to commit to you (and that's a huge if) and you had just left him, he would chase you.

We're afraid that as soon as we leave, as soon as we decide to let go and move on, he will come around and want that committed relationship, and we will miss the kind of relationship with him we'd been waiting and holding on for so long for.

If he was really hurt before, if there was a betrayal of trust, then there is a greater likelihood he will not want to be in another committed relationship.

But still, to know that he was emotionally capable of one in the past, gives some hope that he could eventually be capable of one again, given enough time and trust building to see that it could happen again.

In Sealing the Deal, I devote three entire chapters to not only building self-esteem but also setting the stage for commitment; how to have the talk so he will listen; and what to do if he/she won't commit.

Perhaps you've met the One only to see him or her come on like crazy, and then pull back for no apparent reason. Have you ever been involved and in love with someone for months, or even years, only to find that they simply cannot or will not take that next step into living together or marriage? Usually, if things drag on in an uncommitted state much beyond a few years, the relationship will tend to go downhill and eventually die.How many relationships he's been in is also a factor, because someone who has been in many committed relationships but has never committed fully to any one of them is a warning sign that this person is not capable of moving beyond a certain level of commitment, even though he may think he is because he has been in committed relationships before.Unless he is willing to dig deeper and discover why he cannot move beyond that point for him, there is usually not much chance that you will magically be the one who prompts him to suddenly change that point of no return. You can talk to him about commitment or the lack of one.My question to you is this: if you are not going to be there for yourself, who will be?It's important that you develop your sense of SELF-WORTH if you expect your partner to really value you.

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